Whitney Houston died yesterday and as expected, everyone who didn’t give a “fuck” about her in the last ten years miraculously found the one “fuck” they had to give with her name on it. The unfortunate part about this is that the “fuck giving” in times like these usually takes place on my Facebook timeline. While it’s cool and understandable why most people would want to do this, things took an unexpected turn when everyone started going IN on Bobby Brown.
Two years ago (2010) I found a younger me sitting in the office of my government’s Ministry of Finance waiting eagerly to be called in for a meeting I had with the Student Loan committee. It was scheduled for 10:45am and it was now approaching 11:30am. Typical!
My story is that I graduated from college a year earlier, and after working for about a year I was ready to attend university. After a tedious application, interview, and portfolio review process, I was accepted into York University’s Design
As a kid coming up, my father probably had three rules he personally wanted me to live by: “don’t disturb him when he’s watching basketball”, “don’t bug him before I bugged my mother about it first”, and “don’t hit my sister”. Now, it’s that last one that used to phuq with me the most. The reason for this was because of the fact that my sister was a 100% prime Grade-A BITCH!!!
If I had a girlfriend that I had to travel thousands of miles to see and I found out she was cheating on me, I’d act like everything was OK until I saw her again. When I got back, I’d go to my local STD/STI doctor and tell him I had herpes and ask for the contact info to a local “living with an STI/STD” support group.
A lot of studies have been conducted over the years that have concluded that women feel that of both sexes, they are under the most pressure. They are subjected to the pressure to look younger and be beautiful deriving from the mass media. They are subjected to the pressure from society to suppress their lusts and desire for sexual escapades so as not to become labeled as a slut.
Well to cut to the chase, I’ve moved from Antigua to Toronto to get my “learning” on. Man you wouldn’t believe the amount of stress to had to deal with in getting a student loan. Imagine I’ve been trying to deal with this with ECAB from since like April and they called me up like four weeks ago to tell me that- *swears uncontrollably just thinking about it*
…let a guy wait six months into a relationship before giving him any poontang, but still talk madd $h!t about my sex game knowing full well that it’s lame as phuq. Then on top of that, I’d expect him to be faithful because having him wait that long makes the pu$$y more meaningful to him.
REAL talk: everyone and their grandmother is a promoter or event host in Antigua, just like everyone with an internet connection and the desire to download the Adobe Creative Suite is a graphic designer. It’s a truly sickening thing to think about because if you were bored one weekend and didn’t know better, you’d find yourself on Coral Ark at some dance/party titled off of some dancehall lyric wondering why the phuq this b!t(h in front of you is dry phuq-ing the ground with her tampon string showing. The challenge then becomes weeding out the “Riff Raff” events from the actual good ones.
As with any adolescent male with a social life plagued by the blight of having a penis that became erect at even the slightest change of the wind, I was a virgin and I couldn’t wait to get laid. After discovering that more than just urine was able to escape my urethra once given the right motivation, I had picked up “Challenge Masturbation” as my hobby. With the level of dedication I brought to it though, it could have easily been mistaken for my career choice. *writes “Challenge Masturbator” down on his resume*
Ever since I can remember, I’ve ALWAYS been the fat kid. Fat cells plagued me like a strain of herpes. They’d disappear with every growth spurt I had but when the spurts were done, they would always come back. The unfortunate thing is that my height topped out at 6’6” so I had no more “thinning” growth spurts to look forward to.
© 2011 Beef Pattie | Theme designed by: N.J.D. Designs |
