Antigua’s list: girls

About a month ago I was chilling with the guys and as usual the conversation switched to the topic of “chicks”. When this happens we talk about stuff like who looks good but we wouldn’t date, who we think looks the best, who is the most stuck up, etc. As usual, with each one (category/classification) a general conclusion could never be reached… EVER!

Been doing it for YEARS!!!

It was always a heated debate over why “this chick was more *insert adjective here* than this chick” and if left alone, the debate could go on for hours. I guess this is one of the ways in which males bond. Even if you’re the new guy in the group, the topic of chicks is the one topic that brings everyone together as if they were all long time homies.

This particular time when the guys were going on about who was the best looking girl in our high school days, I started thinking back to another moment in my teenage years.

Apparently, a group of peeps had gathered together back then (much like we were doing now) and were discussing who was the most slutty girl in Antigua. I’m guessing like us they couldn’t come to one conclusion so they decided to make a list of the top 10 names they could all agree on and gave a little description as to why this chick was on the list. The list was then “leaked” (distributed) and would eventually become known as “the Antigua Top 10 Whores List”.

When this list came on the scene there was pandemonium. Guys were finding out their girls were cheating on them, the innocent church girl everyone thought was a virgin suddenly wasn’t, and a whole cluster of other stuff was brought to light. Social statuses were shifted and girls who guys never had on their radar suddenly were and were sought after. Let’s be REAL, everyone likes a slut.

Anyone with a 1mb Hotmail inbox had a copy of the list and if I searched for it I probably still do. Another list was even made for the guys, but that only served as an ego boost to them because a guy being called a whore was just a compliment to his “game”. While laughing about this in my mind it suddenly hit me; “What if we made a list?”

No, not a list calling “sluts” out but a list that would be the end all definitive “bible” when it came to the stuff guys argued over in the realm of chicks. In it we’d list the categories guys argued over the most and get “everyone’s” input so we can conclude once and for all who is the most “whatever”. I didn’t bring it up with the guys then (since it would have been a biased list because of the small sampling), but I instead went home and gave it some thought and planed out. I needed to think BIG… or at least “bigger”…

"The nominations"

OK, fast forward to the day after and at the start of this month, I created a private event on Facebook and invited about 125 guys to it. I then listed 10 categories and asked the guys to nominate a winner for each of them and mail their nominations to this special address I had created. I then asked them to invite others and to ONLY invite other guys to participate. I said this because I knew if chicks got on to it they’ll ruin the surprise of the list being created or try to taint the results with their vanity. I must commend the guys on keeping it “guys only” during the nomination period, but I still wouldn’t be surprised if some punk let the secret out.

A street team was also assembled to get input from the guys we probably didn’t have on the FB event just to be sure we got the biggest sampling possible. I was even contacted on FB by dudes I didn’t even know to be given nominations. The three week nomination period ended Sunday with over 240 nominations from FB alone; most probably coming in within the last few hours.

For each category, the top five nominees (based on the amount of nominations they got) were selected and posted on the FB group as well as “inboxed” to a lot of others. The guys were then asked to vote for a winner in each category and maaaaannnn were they pouring in. Looking at the finalists, I can tell some chicks are going to be pleasantly surprised while others are going to be PISSED because their egos are going to be knocked down a few pegs.

A lot of these chicks I don’t know and few of them happen to be close homegirls of mine. While I can’t dictate who wins, I can give my opinion and I’ll do just that.

Can’t please everyone

As with most things involving humans, persons are going to get upset. Since this involves chicks, that statement is doubly enforced because well… you just can’t please them. The funny thing is that chicks are going to come on here to laugh at those nominated for some categories and scorn the chicks nominated in others. Despite even knowing they don’t “fit the bill” for some categories they’ll still want to be in there, and if they end up in another one they don’t like so much they are going to have sand in their vaginas.

Some people have already contacted me about removing certain categories and pleading for me to consider how some chicks may feel finding their names in them and even trying to claim that this list may be “slander” mainly because I’m publishing this on the internet. This however needs to be looked at as research and not just the opinion of Beef Pattie.com and its affiliates. Sure I could have just taken the information from the 500+ guys (75% of which I don’t even know), tallied the results and seek them out individually to let them know the findings, but that’s a lot of work. Added to that, “a police alone get pay fu cetch man” (only police officers are paid to track down guys) so that’d be kind of gay. *Kanye shrug*

The internet is the fastest way to distribute the findings. A guy could just give another guy a link to see what the results of their votes were without having to be invited to a private FB group. I could say this post was “guys only” but there is no way I can make the blog detect when a chick is coming on it and withhold the information. It’s just like me getting 500 guys together and talking about it in a conference room. If a female just happens to walk into the conference room and hear us talking about her in a way she doesn’t like, then so be it. She shouldn’t have been poking her nose in there in the first place.

Anyways, here’s a disclaimer: THE RESULTS OF THESE FINDINGS ARE FOR THE EYES OF GUYS ONLY SINCE THEY REPRESENT THE OPENLY EXPRESSED OPINION OF A SAMPLE OF MALES BETWEEN THE AGES OF 18 AND 27 (MOSTLY) IN AN ATTEMPT TO REPLICATE THE CONSENSUS OF ALL ANTIGUAN MALES WITHIN THAT AGE RANGE. IF YOU ARE A CHICK READING THIS RIGHT NOW I SUGGEST THAT YOU NAVIGATE AWAY FROM THIS PAGE. IF YOU CONTINUE READING, YOU DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK SINCE THERE IS A CHANCE THAT YOU OR SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU MAY BE ON THERE AND MAY BE OFFENDED. THE FINDINGS OF THIS RESEARCH ARE FINAL AND WILL NOT (I REPEAT) WILL NOT BE TAKEN DOWN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SO DO NOT BOTHER TO ASK. Now run tell that…

The guy code

In this world of “bitch niggaz” I pride myself in upholding the “guy code” and have the utmost respect for any guy who does this as well. When the nomination period started, I was pleased to see over the three week period that all the guys involved at that point respected the code even when they said they did not want to participate. I knew however that some spawns of Judas would manifest themselves once word got out to the chicks about what we were doing and they would show their true colors and sell us out for “30 pieces of silver” (poontang); most of whom will not be getting any despite their actions.

When the preview dropped this past Wednesday a frenzy was caused among the chick population and I knew some bottom feeding bastards would use this as an opportunity to try and score points with chicks because of their lack of “game”. As it was said, so it was done. The finalists were leaked and the group was compromised but I was already prepared for such a situation and alas my brothers’ identities were protected.

What these guys with short d!(ks and no balls didn’t realize is that you can’t really trust chicks. The same chicks some of them sold us out to still came back around to me and told me what they had and in some cases who they got it from and how (yeah I’ve got “pull” like that son). I’d publish the names of these dudes but I won’t pay them the time of day. Some may claim that they gave some chick their password and they logged into their stuff but to this I reply, “Grow some balls and tell a chick ‘NO!’ when she asks for your personal $h!t.”

I hope you guys have all daughters…

“The List”

Quick shout out to the peeps at AUA. You guys know what you did and I appreciate that ^_^. Also a very big shout out to the street team who ran with the idea and vision. Ya’ll should have helped counting these damn votes too but I’m not ungrateful. OK, now we’ve got all that out of the way let’s get to the good stuff.

Butter Face

This goes out to the chicks who we thought that everything on them looked good BUT their faces. Pretty much we were looking for girls who had a nice body but a face that could not only break mirrors, but reflective metal surfaces as well. Out of the 14 girls nominated, here are the top five finalists:

The black gyal that always inna Rush
Alexa Perry
Chioca Cannonier
Karisa Christian
Mercedes Ryan

Thoughts: When I saw these nominations I laughed my freaking head off. I saw the first few guys nominating “the black gyal that always inna Rush” I thought it was just them being goofs but then more and more guys started nominating her. I went to Rush last week but didn’t see her but I’m going to be on the lookout for her now since she came in a VERY close second. The person who beat her however ironically is a model. That means…

Winner: Chioca Cannonier

Menstruating Barbie

To be blunt, the persons nominated here were all genuinely considered “bitches”. Despite them being somewhat good looking, it’s their attitudes that just drove guys to disliking them. Like you’d see them and think they are so well mannered but then they’d soon after do or say something that would probably make you regret knowing them in the first place. Out of the 26 girls nominated, here are the top five finalists:

Karolyn Mascall
Snoodle Bug (not sure what her name is)
Cherissa Collins
I. Dowe
Nissa Butler

Thoughts: I only know two of the chicks here and I really don’t find them to be menstruating Barbies. I’m guess they just show me a different side of them when I interact with them but from some of the stories I’ve heard the guys tell, I can see why they are nominated. The person who won however I have no idea who she is but one thing for sure is that over 60% of the guys think she needs an attitude adjustment BIG TIME. This category wasn’t even anywhere close.

Winner: Nissa Butler

Most Delusional

Basically the chicks nominated here think that they are sooo hott but when the guys see them out they think, “Who the fuck let this bird out the cage?” Despite saying “Hi”, smiling and exchanging nice words, we were probably secretly hoping she’d buckle and fall flat on her @$$ when she was walking away because she didn’t know the limitations of her looks. Out of the 23 girls nominated, here are the top five finalists:

Jessica Ryan
Keva George
Karisa Christian
Alexa Perry
Chioca Cannonier

Thoughts: The most shocking thing to me here was that three chicks who were overwhelmingly considered “butter faces” also thought that they looked good; so much so that they were nominated here too. Well, I guess it was bad enough for one of these said chicks to actually go on to win here. Advice? Try not to have such an assertive personality; it’s not a good look.

Winner: Chioca Cannonier

Nuffest

The chicks nominated here were not nominated because they turned down the mack game of a whole bunch of guys. They were nominated however because they possessed a personality that genuinely made them come across as unnecessarily bitchy. Not only that, but they were known to scorn and turn their noses up at the most minor or things while holding the idea that they were better than everyone else in the world and therefore should be worshipped. If you want it another way, “some bitches riding high horses and they needed to get knocked the fuck off them”. Out of the 18 girls nominated, these are the top five finalists:

Karian Weste
Ntozake Malone
I. Dowe
Gabrielle Nordé
Anele Hurst

Thoughts: *really big gasp* Phuq all them other chicks, how did Ntozake get on here? After scratching my head about that and wondering why Alisha Frederick wasn’t nominated much less on here in front of Karian, I sort of started to realize why each of these chicks were finalist. They all (with the exception of Ms. Dowe who I don’t really know) had “nuff” tendencies but it wasn’t really anything I’d nominate them for. Maybe they just act differently with/around me *Kanye shrug*. The winner here edged out Ms. Dowe by a mere four votes.

Winner: Anele Hurst

Suprisingly “Down To Earth”

You could say that these girls were the exact opposite of the previous category. They give off the vibe that they are nuff, but when you take the time to get to know them, they are pretty cool and all the guys were glad to know them and have them as friends. Out of the 16 girls nominated, these are the top five finalists:

Marissa Scott
Lieka Hewlett
Karel Forde
Charlene Wetherill
Anthia Gardner

Thoughts: I didn’t even know who I would have nominated here or even vote for. What I can say though is that the winner had a landslide victory.

Winner: Karel Forde

Best Personality

These are the chicks that you could take anywhere and around any crowd and they’d get along with everyone. Not only that, but their personality alone would make them PRIME “wifey” material. They had all the characteristics that a guy would look for in a potential wife and pretty much all of us think very highly of them. Out of the 12 girls nominated, these are the top five finalists:

Franchesca Sterling
Ntozake Malone
Tiffany Providence
Stephanie Bridge
Janelle Saunders

Thoughts: Before even accepting nominations I had three favorites to win this. Two were nominated and even made it to be finalists and I was so glad to see that one of them was eventually voted the winner here. The only person on this list I didn’t know was Stephanie Bridge but I’ve only ever heard good things about her when asked. I guess it’s safe to say that the guys had a hard time picking because this category was one of the closest ones since the margin between the person who got the most and the least votes was only 13.

Winner: Tiffany Providence

Best Body

Without beating around the bush, the chicks here are the type of chicks we’d basically “eye fuck” the hell out of and would basically want to make porn with. Crude as this may sound it was said with all the respect in the world. Their bodies and how well they kept them could be said to have been of goddess standards (or at least in our sick, perverted, “hub”-infected minds). We’re talking “toned and defined” here people. You won’t find any chicks here just because they have big tits, wide hips or a big butt. Yeah, we saw that beer belly hunny and we looked right past you. This was the closest one in terms of nominees because the finalist here weren’t nominated above the others by much. Out of the 22 girls nominated, these are the top five finalists:

Sequoyah Survia
Snoodle Bug
Stephanny Rodriguez
Melissa Kimberly Fletcher
Tanya Rogers

Thoughts: I’m not going to lie, I favored Sequoyah to win before nominations started. However the guys schooled me to our winner and maaaaannnn, I think she deserved it. She has the biggest margin of victory for any of the categories and I WISH someone would tell me what her real name is because it’s driving me nuts calling her by her FB/nominated name!!! LOL

Winner: Snoodle Bug

Cutest Face

This category needs no explanation. You’d see the chick’s face alone and you’d want to have sex with her… SIMPLE! OK, maybe not so simple… but these chicks had the faces that trophy wives are modeled after (REAL talk). Out of the 31 girls nominated, these are the top five finalists:

Tiffany Providence
Lieka Hewlett
Marissa Scott
Sybil Ramrattan
Ecclesiastes Jamela Elias

Thoughts: Man, this one was tough. I couldn’t pick a favorite because I thought they were all really pretty. Well, a winner needed to be selected and the guys did just that.

Winner: Ecclesiastes Jamela Elias

Overall “Crissest”

These are the chicks with a really cute face and a body to match. Enough said! Out of the 19 girls nominated, these are the top five finalists.

Sequoyah Survia
Ana Hernandez
Stephanie Winter
Melissa Kimberly Fletcher
Consuelo Marzi

Thoughts: What I found ironic here was that whenever this topic came up and I said that Consuelo was probably the best looking girl I’ve ever seen here before I left for college, everyone would ask who the hell she was. She would have been my #1 pick and I was really surprised to see her even nominated and eventually be a finalist. I haven’t seen her in like four or more years but if she hasn’t gotten knocked up or let herself “go” like a lot of “once good looking” chicks I know here, I’d go on record and say she’s still the best looking chick in Antigua; PHUQ THESE RESULTS!!! *calms down* Anyway, the guys saw things differently (what retards). Not that I’m saying the winner is bad looking (I don’t know her), I’m just saying I’m biased…

Winner: Ana Hernandez

Most Datable Girl

The chicks here were only nominated (or at least should have only been nominated) because they were the best of ALL worlds when it came to chicks. Looks (face and body), personality, educated/ambitious… all that “junk”. Probably one of the more disputed areas of conversation among us and probably will still be after these results, but these chicks are the most sought after by us. If any of them are single, we believe they are TRULY single (by choice and not for the lack of being wanted). Of this list they’ll probably be the most hated on, but nobody cares about the opinions of hatin’ @$$ “basic bitches”. You all could learn a lesson or two from them. Out of the 11 girls nominated (“ain’t that a bitch?”), these are the top five finalists:

Melissa Kimberly Fletcher
Tiffany Providence
Regina Adams
Ntozake Malone
Nikki Charles

Thoughts: If I were to have had full control over nominations or finalists, this category would have only had three names on it; Tiffany Providence, Alana Michael, and Ntozake Malone. Phuq what anyone else has to say or will EVER have to say. These three young women are the most “datable” chicks in Antigua HANDS DOWN!!! (no offence to the other gals nominated)

Winner: Regina Adams

The men have spoken

So there you have it folks: “the list”. Yes I know it is not conclusive since not everyone will agree with it but it’s a start. Until someone else makes the effort and does more extensive research into the matter, this is the best thing we’ve got. Gentlemen, take your notes and realize which chicks you need to put on or take off of your radar. As for “The black gyal that always inna Rush”, somebody needs to link me up with an introduction so I can personally thank her for giving me four SOLID weeks of nonstop laughing. ARRRRR HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. *dead*

*On account of EVERYONE rushing me so damn much, this post was not proof read. Any spelling or grammar mistakes blame your own damn self! Oh and the lack of “pretty pictures” to look at is your fault too!! *