Sometimes, it should be OK to smack a chick (or at least shake the $h!t out of them)

As a kid coming up, my father probably had three rules he personally wanted me to live by: “don’t disturb him when he’s watching basketball”, “don’t bug him before I bugged my mother about it first”, and “don’t hit my sister”. Now, it’s that last one that used to phuq with me the most. The reason for this was because of the fact that my sister was a 100% prime Grade-A BITCH!!!

I had often thought that my father wasn’t my sister’s real father. What I had suspected happened was the Devil was in Hell chilling as usual, then got bored one day and said, “Fuck it!” and raped my mother in her sleep (kind of how Jesus was made, but without all the “GLORY! HALLELUJAH!’s” and free gifts). What resulted was my mother giving birth to a kid that my father should have taken to Maury, but God instead foresaw me making that comment suggesting Jesus was conceived via celestial rape and decided to punish me for it ahead of time. *sighs*

Did she have it coming?

From day one I knew my sister was bad news because when she came on the scene, my breast milk supply got cut off immediately. With each passing year, things just progressively got worst for me but better for her. She got whatever she wanted and I was pretty much told to go eat a d!(k. Added to that, in my parents eyes she could do no wrong, and she used that against me every day… until I got to my boiling point.

One day we were playing with MY toys, but the game she wanted to play (because if not she’d run kicking and screaming like a punk b!t(h to my father, and he’d be a punk b!t(h too and give in to her every word). The thing was, today G.I. Joe was supposed to marry Barbie (this was her toy btw), and be her house-bitch for the rest of his life. However, I knew G.I. Joe wasn’t the “fuck just one chick for the rest of his life” kind of guy AND he had a war to go fight… So I said, “Fuck this!” and didn’t play along.

Of course my sister got pissed because G.I. Joe left Barbie at the altar, but I didn’t care because I was going to be out of the house and on the block with my homies before she could go get my pops. I was waiting for her to start running and crying to him as usual so I could make my move, but today something was different. There was something about Barbie being stood up after a full 20 minutes of wedding planning that caused something else to snap in my sister’s mind. I watched her face transition from “disbelief”, to “sad”, to “silently pissed off”, and at the time it seemed funny… very funny… at the time that is…

I never knew my boxes of toys had a pen tucked away in it somewhere, and I definitely didn’t know that it had made its way out of the box during Barbie’s wedding plans. My sister’s rage fueled hand however knew of the pen’s existence and location. Just as I was entering my second tier of hysterical laughter, she made a swipe at me… and stuck the pen in my throat.

My grandmother’s words of “whey laughing dey, crying dey” (where there’s laughter, there’s sorrow) never held more meaning to me than as I sat there bleeding blood and blue ink. I looked at my sister in shock and horror, and she returned my gaze with a menacing look of, “You’re lucky I let you live!” I had a flashback of every toy I had to let her play with, every Minti Minti I had to give her half of, and every time I automatically got into trouble for something she did………… and slapped the $h!t out of her!

It’s funny how BOTH my parents chose to ignore the purple blood that was coming out of a hole in my throat before suplexing me through the TV stand for hitting my sister. They lesson I was told to learn from it was that me hitting a chick is comparable to them contorting my spine with living room furniture; it’s wrong and is an unfair advantage because it is a chick. I’ll cut this story off here for now though and try to explain its relevance.

It is a known fact that “bitches don’t know how to act”. The phuq-ed up part about it is that society has created and nurtured the habitat for such behavior and-… OK pause for a minute. I can sense that some Lifetime empowered heffas are already looking to rip me to shreds in some emails, but let me make it CLEAR that this is NOT a post promoting that it’s “kool” to “run upside a bitch’s head when she doesn’t come correct”. However, it is a post highlighting some of the situations that chicks put themselves in where it could MILDLY be considered to warrant a justifiable physical reaction from a dude that wouldn’t require the chick to do more that to just shake it off… most of the times. *hopes that how carefully he’s choosing his terminology is duly noted by both the habitual woman beaters and “womyn” alike.*

*unpauses the post*

“Bitches don’t know how to act”

Like I was saying, they don’t know how to act because that’s how they have been trained by society. The thing is there is no physical corollary for a chick overstepping her boundaries with a guy. Well yes there could be, but it would not be socially acceptable or end in a way other than a police officer kicking your door down and choking you with your own arm behind your back.

Chicks know this so [as with most other aspects of life] they take advantage of it; ESPECIALLY in public situations. To make matters worse, there’s ALWAYS some benevolent, wannabe knight in shining armor, punk @$$ mother phuq-er on the prowl who has wet dreams about being a super hero and is just dying to see some chick even being spoken to sternly, so he can step in and possibly score some Pussy Points with her (or any chick in the vicinity whose cooch gets wet off of seeing that). Like I said in the post about why I don’t eat coochie, guys are always looking for ways to undercut the game. *sighs*

“When should it be OK to hit a chick?”

...can't argue with "REAL"...

When asked this question, all Captian Save-A-Hoes like to shout in unison, “NEVER!” Well I’m here to tell you, “FUCK THAT!!!” Why I don’t even pay these dudes the time of day with this crap is because I know every guy has lines that if stepped across, $h!t gets REAL! When you couple that  with the known fact that chicks are habitual “line-steppers”, you know for sure that every guy is bound to snap at some point.

Since women on a whole are constantly whining about how helpless they are and how much protection they need, society doesn’t treat altercations between men and women equally. If you’re the guy, you’re going to get screwed over virtually every time because the law has an umbilical cord attached to them (chicks). Your best bet is to probably not get caught, or have about six witnesses (your homies) that’ll swear she attacked you with a chainsaw.

I state all this to say that there are some instances when a line has been crossed where popping a chick a quick one should be OK, and a guy doesn’t have to look over his shoulder for an army of “captains” or expect the police to boot-phuq his door down two seconds after she locks herself into the closet… like:

If she kicks you in the nuts
Phuq what you heard of think you may know, getting hit in the nuts hurts more than child birth. A chick’s body was built to sustain popping kids out; just ask Octamom. Nuts on the other hand were not meant to be smushed in any way. If you have a problem with that, you should go back to the Garden of Eden and pick that up with Eve.

You can just graze nuts and a guy will fall to the ground in pain. You can’t get hit in the nuts and talk $h!t at the same time; I’ve tried it. The only words in your vocabulary at their point are, “ARRGH!!!” and “FUCK!!!”

That said, if a chick deliberately hits a guy in the nuts (unless he was trying to rape her or kicking the $h!t out of her for burning dinner or something), he should be able to baptize her in some hardened concrete. Then again, he’d probably be too consumed with pain while lying on the ground to do anything. If she didn’t get him flush, her intent can be proven, and he can still stand, we should all just turn a blind eye to what happens next…

Phuq-ing with his $h!t and being gangsta about it
I was at this barbershop back in Antigua getting a haircut when this dude ran in and said that some heffas were outside phuq-ing up a yellow sports car. Turns out that it belonged to one of the barbers. We all rushed outside just in time to see them spray painting a cinder block before piloting it through his front glass. He rushed towards them and then an argument ensued.

Basically, the one who threw the block was his chick and one of her three homegirls saw him riding around with some new chick recently and that somehow confirmed her beliefs that he was cheating. I don’t know what it is with females and their chicken head friends to always congregate in these situations and choose to go after a dude’s car. What’s worse was that I think he had just recently imported it the car. I looked at him and I saw the rage building up and that rage channeled into all of the other dudes present and we were silently hoping he’d peel her muffin cap back.

I think the main reason for that was because her and her friends had no remorse about what they did. His girl was also up in his face saying the one thing that would send any guy who had been wronged over the edge. “Why you have your face screwed up like that? What, you gonna hit me? I wish you WOULD so I could fuck you up right here!” …then she started shoving him, and turning him around when he tried to walk away while calling him
a punk.

If you’re having a hard time picturing it, watch this video. This is a good example of how things went down. There was the confrontation, he moved away, she followed talking madd $h!t, shoved him, then asked him to hit her while getting up in his face. Notice how nobody tries to step in at this point because it’s socially acceptable for a b!t(h to not know how to act. The homie then aids her in a fall to the ground with a gentle shove and suddenly that’s the only time a problem is seen. He backs off her and she gets up and goes for his throat. He swings at her in self defense, misses, but she falls because she buckles in her heels.

You’d think she’d quit, but nope! Her “free to act like a bitch” pass says she can continue. Then, “TUN TUN TA DAAA!!!” Captain Save-A-Hoe arrives; ready to phuq $h!t up.

Going back to the barbershop incident, the guy took the peaceful route and not let his ego get the better of him. I respect the hell out of him for that because if it was me (well, I wouldn’t be messing with a hoodrat-esque chick like that in the first place), I’d probably put her in a sleeper hold. Oh, I forgot one other part of the story. The chick he was seen with was his cousin who just came back and was on a break from college.

Self defense or if she’s bigger than me
Watch this video. What happened here was that a bull dyke and her partner came into a McDonalds and made a small order and tried paying with a 50. In the States, they don’t usually accept payments at fast food places with anything larger than a 20, and if they do they have to check it first to make sure it’s real.

Apparently “Rosie” had a problem with that and started calling the guys names and eventually slapped him. Now you see there are two things at play here. Firstly she’s a chick, so she has a “right” to do whatever she wants to a guy. Secondly, she’s an inner city bull dyke, and they are as aggressive and confrontational as one of the “niggas on the block”. Put the two together and you were almost certain that something was going to pop off.

The homie took a swipe at her after the slap and missed. She then jumped the counter to go phuq him up because she clearly didn’t play that, while her “boo” went around the other side of the counter and jumped it to go help out. If I know one thing about inner city bull dykes, it’s that they are more likely to “not give a fuck” than a “nigga from the block” for the fact that at the end of the day, they still have a vagina which gives them (as I stated before) the “right” to do whatever they want to a guy.

I’m sure the dude knew this too so he ran. He happened to stumble upon a hollowed metal rod while being cornered and proceeded to beat the $h!t out of them. He kept telling them to stay down, but bull dykes “don’t take no shit from no man” so she kept getting back up to go at him. Since they didn’t want to listen, he kept beating them back down. Moral of the story here is, they got what they deserved.

I’ve seen a guy get stabbed multiple times in a KFC by these two chicks who just thought it was “gangsta” to cut infront of him and order. According to their logic, he wasn’t supposed to have a problem with it or say anything. If a guy’s life or well being is in danger, he should have the right to prevent that by any means possible. If that means having to Spartan kick her down some stairs, then so be it.

This talk about “there is no situation where it is OK to hit a woman and you can always just walk away” is quite farfetched when you think about it in this light. Like in this video for example. I don’t care what anyone says, I would have punched her in the face with a bullet or two. The sad part is, you know he couldn’t call the police after this ‘cause they’d pretty much tell him to handle his own business.

Back to reality

All in all, it’s never going to be socially acceptable to hit a chick again just like it won’t be to mine “niggas” out of Africa to do field work. It’s something they we all have to come to terms with, but just like Southern KKK members, a guy can dream. Since I’ve been on a video sharing spree, here one more. Watch it and help the guy in it and myself figure out one thing… “How CAN she slap?” #bitchHadItComing