Give her what she wants!

Given all of this, it’s easy to see why it is commonly viewed that women are under more pressure on a daily basis than men. As a guy, it makes you stop and think that maybe Lifetime and POWA do indeed have a purpose other than to belittle men, and that they are actually fighting the good fight. However, before you run to your local florist to splurge on a “Thank you!” card and a bouquet for the first chick you meet, I’m here to inform you that women don’t know what REAL pressure is.

When it comes to sex, the burden of if it’s an equally enjoyable encounter rests solely on a guy’s shoulder. If he cums and she doesn’t, it’s his fault (and not her desert wasteland pu$$y). If she cums and he doesn’t, it’s still his fault (and definitely not her weak sex game).

The main source of pressure in this aspect for men comes from the fact that testosterone makes us naturally egotistical, and sexual conquests play a huge part in our lives. You may think that it’s our own fault but women have a big part in this too. Without getting into too much detail, I’ll illustrate two examples.

If a woman becomes known throughout a country for being a whore, having a desiccated gaping vagina, and providing the worst sexual experience of life, she’ll still receive calls from dudes every night saying, “No worries baby, Big Poppa can make a Niagra out of you.” On the flip side, if a guy becomes known throughout a country for cumming in less than 30 seconds, his options for poontang become:

• Invest heavily in his friendly neighborhood whore “working girl”
• Pick up “new” chicks on their way in at the airport
• Pack up and move to another country where nobody knows him

The risk of being completely socially exiled because of the lack of sexual endurance; now that’s pressure! Every time a guy has sex, this is what he’s putting on the line. That’s the reality of the cruel world we live in.

The root of the matter is that guys have allowed the value of “Dick” to depreciate, while facilitating chicks in their goal to raise the value of “Pussy” with each passing year. This then lead to the phenomenon where chicks started to believe sex was all about them cumming, and that being the determining factor of if it was good or not. While attacking the problem at the root would be the better solution in the long run, I know most guys for now are only interested in the quick fixes so I’ll save my “Raise the Value of Dick” campaign for a later date.

Below, I have gathered together a small collection of tips and techniques that have been pulled from the knowledge banks of a couple hundred guys from around the world. A “not too public” forum was created and each initially invited member invited select friends and so on and so forth. Stories and experiences were shared that were both related to and laughed at, but it was probably an overall learning experience for all involved.

Although I’m being my brother’s keeper here, the chicks that have “issues” with their mates could benefit from passing this post on to them. Be warned though, they’ll be some pretty upsetting things said and suggested. Ah well, you guys never listen anyway *thinks back to the List*. With that out of the way, let’s begin!

First off…

So you met a new chick who makes your d!(k drips with pre-cum from her just smiling at you, and you made it your goal in life to have her as a notch under your belt. You spend the next few months wearing her down and hitting her with every single line in the book and FINALLY you get her to take those panties off for you. Your chance is now here to reap the benefits of your labor and all you can think of is how much you are going to DOMINATE her in the sack. I mean, you’ve been talking smack to her about your sex game all this while right? One minute after initial penetration, you cum, you feel great, she feels like she got jibbed, and then you feel like $h!t because there isn’t anything you can do for right now other than stick your tongue out. How did you end up here?

Well, there are two things that we as guys all need to understand about cumming. The first of which is that there is no such thing as “too soon”. That may be a hard thing for a lot of people (ESPECIALLY chicks) to fathom but look at it this way. When a chick is having sex, she’s having sex for the sensation of cumming, or the “feel good” span of time that leads up to it. It’s the same way with guys only that the actual “feel good” part of sex for us usually is the prelude to us cumming.

"Autopilot: ON!"

If a guy is banging a girl for an hour which ends in him cumming, it’s only within the last 10 minutes (if so much) that it actually starts to feel good for him. Other than that, he’s just chilling in his “zone” -the period of time during sex when his penis is on autopilot because it’s rock hard without feeling any sensations, and he feels like he can fuck forever! Any guy doubting me on this probably hasn’t gotten enough poontang in his life to know what I’m talking about.

Now that we understand a little bit more about the act of a guy cumming, the second thing we need to understand is that it’s mostly (not totally) in your mind. “Thirst” (horniness) has a way of amplifying the sensation of sexual stimulation. It’s what’ll make even the simplest of things (like a girl grinding on you in a club/dance/party) make you cum. Act like it never happened to you as a teenager dying for some pu$$y. I really couldn’t have just been me right? Man phuq you guys if you’re laughing. I’m proud of every one of my ejaculations… *storms off*

The thing to know about thirst is that it can start affecting you before sexual stimulation. Like the drive over to her place when you’re doing your “Imma get me some pussy and tear that bitch up” happy dance. The thought of breaking your five month poontang drought and that sense of eagerness you have to do so is actually your thirst acting towards making you cum. It won’t make you actually cum though, but it’ll put you “right there”. That’s why when you get to her place and start ripping her clothes off before saying “goodnight”, you cum within a mere 20 thrusts.

Thirst is not all bad though because it as a buildup of thirst that makes cumming for a guy feel good. Look at thirst as water being backed up for ages which causes you stress. The more water that gets backed up the more stress you build up. When that stress gets relieved, you feel good. The more stress that gets relieved, the better it feels. Sex then becomes a game of balancing “thirst” and “sustainability”.

Managing your thirst in terms of delaying cumming isn’t the easiest of things to do mainly because it has a direct connection to your brain and your cumming sequence. The keys to prolonging the period before an ejaculation are:

• Diverting the attention of the brain from being occupied with thirst and towards anything else.
• Reducing the amounts of thirst you allow to build up and alter the scale on which it affects you
• Reducing the amount of sexual stimulation that thirst has to act on

Those are the basic principles all methods for not cumming are built on. I’ve given this some thought and instead of listing all the suggestions that were given, I’ll list the six most popular ones amongst the guys with some detail to how they work. That way everybody gets educated without having to b!t(h about another long post. Anyways, here they are:

“Save all the freaky shit for when you’re in your zone”

Thirst thrives off of excitement and nothing excites a dude more than finally getting to try some new $h!t out that he saw in some porn. If you’re looking to prolonged periods of phuq-ing, your main objective should be to get into your zone. If that means you have to slow-phuq her in missionary for 20 minutes before you do anything else then you do it. After you get there, you are free to do whatever you want and however you want because you have gotten control over your thirst and you can therefore allow yourself to focus on anything else. Donkey Punching is now welcomed.

“Find a fucking song”

This was the one method I initially suggested and quite shockingly, it’s something a lot of guys do as well. This works off of occupying your brain with something else other than focusing on thirst or the act of having sex. You may think it’s something that can be easily done, but it really isn’t (well for me at least).

What you do is pick a song and after you do this you focus on NOTHING ELSE but singing it; hitting every word, humming what you don’t know, and making the sounds of the beat/instruments (where there are no words) all in the back of your head. This also helps with establishing a rhythm to thrust to so you don’t come off as amateurish as someone using a hula hoop for the first time; only in a vagina. Once your brain successfully blocks out the influence of thirst, you’ll be in your zone and we already know how things go from there.

My “fucking song” is Lil’ Troy’s “Wanna Be A Baller” (don’t judge me) and I sing it EVERY SINGLE TIME I have sex… well except with that chick I lost my virginity to *shudders*. I don’t even remember how it became my “fucking song”, all I know is that one day I was having sex with this chick, it came into my mind, I started phuq-ing her to it then realized I didn’t feel like cumming anymore, and rest was history. The funniest part was that I didn’t even like the song that much.

What’s even funnier is that I once told this guy I used to work with about this and was made to understand that he had a “fucking song” too. I asked him what it was and his reply almost made me regret asking him. The song? You probably won’t believe this but it was “Father Abraham”.  Oh and get this, he actually does the dance in his mind too.

Yeah I judged him for it too just like you probably are right now but needless to say, I tried it and um… that $h!t works!

“Kiss the bitch”

He's doing it...

Different guys get off on different things and for some guys, their thirst levels go up the more a chick moans. This was an issue for quite a few of the dudes and of the other solutions like “jamming a sock down her throat” (just in her mouth, ha ha) or “stuffing her face in a pillow” (these guys seem violent huh?), the simple act of “kissing her” seemed to be the best resolution and the most beneficial. As one guy explained it:

“If she’s making too much noise and it’s breaking your concentration on ‘not cumming’, what you can do (well if you’re in the position to) is kiss her so she can shut the fuck up. That works to your benefit in that she not only shuts her pie hole, but it also gives her the feeling that you care about and have feelings for her enough to kiss her during sex. This ups the chances of you getting some ‘repeat pussy’.”

Now that I think about it, I probably couldn’t have explained it any better myself and it makes the world of sense. Added to that, you can’t argue with the higher chances of getting from “repeat poontang”. Though, some guys don’t really like kissing chicks during sex; ESPECIALLY chicks they only see as living sex dolls so this is one of those “pick your poison” situations. I guess if you’re not really down for having her feel like she is “that much” closer to being your main chick by kissing her, you could try the other two suggestions. Just be sure to check every few minutes to see if she’s still breathing.

“Don’t underestimate foreplay”

If you’re like a lot of dudes, and you know that first “load” is going to blow more “sooner” than “later”, it’s best to get rid of it during foreplay. This works to your benefit in two ways. The first and most obvious is that it means that you start sex on your “second erection” which is the one most guys DOMINATE on. You’d have gotten all the thirst and anxiety of the sexual experience out of the way and you now have a much clearer mind to focus on “the fucking”.

The second way it benefits you is that chicks gobble up foreplay and the guys who engage in it like chicken feed. I don’t need to go into the fact that guys approach sex with their penises and chicks approach it with all the gay, dumb, and mythically magical $h!t they tend to attach to it for you to see how that works. All you need to worry about and do is just engage in foreplay, make sure she makes you cum first, play with her tits and vag-o until you get another erection, and then you cut foreplay off.

Any cumming she’s going to be doing after that will have to be on your d!(k. If you choose to continue, go on to make her cum and she decides she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, then it’ll be your own damn fault you have blue balls. Although, if it is your actual girlfriend or wife, you probably should take the “selfishness” out of that approach to foreplay and actually be doing it for her. Just saying…

“Know when & how to back off: the ‘position change’ approach”

This is probably the one thing that should be common knowledge to guys but they often ignore.  Buying time is the PERFECT way to prevent ejaculation because it allows you to pause and get your head back in the game. The guys brought up some amusing “stall tactics” but I think we all agree that the “position change” approach was probably the best. Here’s the overview of how it goes down based on the input of a few individuals:

“Basically, if you know you’re about cum, that’s when you decide to change positions. However, make it be some kind of fucked up position that you KNOW you couldn’t possibly get into even if God himself came down and attempted to guide your dick into her pussy even after making you both spineless for a couple minutes. What you’re trying to do is kill time so you can get your head back in the game. Also, it’ll boost your ‘freak rating’ with her since you’re attempting something she’s never tried before. With that you’ve earned yourself some more of her ‘Guy I Want to Fuck’ points.

After you’ve recovered from you near jizz experience, you abort the position change and then try to make things not working out with that to be her fault by saying some smug shit like, ‘I guess you’re not as flexible as I thought. It’s still cool though.’ That right there would just fuck with her head because every chick thinks her vagina is the Mecca for ‘good sex’ so she’ll be left with a more deflated ego and thinking, ‘Damn, I need to do more stretches and step my pussy game up!’ What you’re left with now is a chick more willing to please you and prove to you that she can do things other girls can’t do.” #WINNING

ARRRRR HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! I literally die every time I read that because of the theory behind of it and the highly likely chance that things would play out like that. If any of you manage to try this out personally, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!! *continues rolling with laughter*

“Masturbate with a purpose”

Masturbation has its benefits and downfalls. The thing with masturbation is that the more you do it, the more in tune you are with yourself, and the more accustomed you are to the act of ejaculating. Why you would want to be accustomed to the act of ejaculating is because the more you are, the less time you spend in your refractory period.

Your refractory period is the time your penis spends in the state after cumming where it is irresponsive to stimulus (unable to get hard), until you are able to get another erection. It’s relatively shorter in your younger days but as you get older, the time lengthens. This is where masturbation comes in.

FAP! FAP! FAP! FAP!

I can personally vouch for this “accustomed to cumming” theory because my challenge masturbation hobby currently it has me at little or no refractory time… Well unless the chick was “watching women’s sports” boring or I really didn’t care much for having sex with her. Although this is a good thing being able to go multiple rounds, there also is a negative side to it.

Challenge masturbation trains you to not only cum more often, but also to cum quickly. Your body gets so accustomed to cumming after two minutes of seeing a pair of double D’s jump on a hot Latina chick while she’s on a d!(k that when you’re put in the situation where she’s on yours, the same thing happens (the cumming I mean). Now enters the act of “sensual masturbation”.

This is when you actually take the time to watch more than the first five minutes of a porn scene and just use slow and gentle strokes; enough to help maintain the erection, but not enough to cum. At some point in to doing that you’ll find you have the great urge to “release some pressure” and that’s when you can finally “rub one out”. It’ll feel a lot better than cumming from challenge masturbation, and the more often your train like this, the longer you’ll find yourself lasting throughout that movie without the burning desire to cum. This delay in cumming transfers directly into your sex game.

All in all, to get to your peak of sexual “god-ness”, you’ll have to find the balance between these two masturbational habits. Notice where you’re lacking and train to suit. Pretty soon you be in the position to be asking chicks, “Is that all the pussy you’ve brought for me to fuck??!!” *goes back to working towards that*

So what if you do cum?

Well homie, the last thing you’d want to do is not seem in control of the situation. You could play it off as if it was your aim and try to compliment her on having some good poon but that doesn’t always work out. I’m not going to pretend that I’m God when it comes to sex, and yes I do have my methods of turning things into my favor for those times when I cum before SHE’d like (because I feel I ALWAYS cum on time) and I find myself slipping into that refractory period.

I won’t mention them because well, I may find myself in need of using one and I’d hate to get screwed over because it was read about on my blog. What I will say though is that it’ll probably be in your best interest to actually sit down and think up some “escape routes” for these situations. OK, OK, I’ll throw a bone off of the top of my head here.

Remember, when you’re inside of her, a chick doesn’t know if you came unless you let her know this. If you’re wearing a condom (as you SHOULD BE if it’s not your wife or a girl you want to get pregnant), you can always jump up suddenly like you just caught a glimpse of the time on your watch and play like you have an important phone call to make at that time. Step away, fake a phone call (a call to a homie who may have needed a ride from work or one to your mother works good), slip the condom off (make sure you tie and hide/store it somewhere), then go back to her apologizing and explaining the “urgency” of the situation and why you had to make that call.

If you want to continue having sex with her, you just do and say that everything is OK (homie doesn’t need a ride anymore). If you were there only to bust your nut then bounce, then you tell her your homie is outside of his workplace and in the cold waiting for you since they already locked up. It’s that simple guys; no need to over think things.

“Happy Fuckings!”

I’m in a somewhat frustrated mood right now so I couldn’t focus on the post I actually intended on writing. Turns out when I’m frustrated I keep quiet, over analyze, ponder, and not give a phuq. I guess you can say it boosts REAL-ism. So with that said, I now present “Things I Shouldn’t Say, and then Some…” -a small collection of my thoughts and mini-rants. If you keep it REAL, you’ll see where I’m coming from.

YEEEAAAHHHH BOOOOIII!!!!!

1.) Is it just me or does signing in to FB and seeing that this girl/guy you’ve been “dogging” for the longest while has FINALLY broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend cause you to do a little celebratory dance on the inside? Then suddenly want to send an “I miss you, we haven’t hung out in so long!” text a day or two later (got to give it some time so it “appears” genuine). Am I alone on this? Yes? Ah well, I’ve got no shame in my game.

2.) If Magic Johnson can get over HIV, then Taylor Swift and all her d!(k riders should be able to get over Kanye West and the 2009 VMAs. He did her and her fans a favor if you ask me, even though I think the whole thing was staged. Still, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy > Speak Now.

3.) Hott chicks a lot of times roll with an entourage of “not so hott” chicks to make themselves appear even hotter and they take the same approach to when it comes to selecting a FB profile picture. Don’t start feeling bad for them (the “not so hott” chicks) because it’s a symbiotic relationship. “Not so hott” chicks are quick to post pictures of them with their hott chick friends in order to trick dudes. The messed up part is that when they’re done using pictures of them with their hott friends to attract a guy’s attention, they want to hold an attitude when the guy asks about their friend or pays them (the friend) more attention. B!t(h are you for real? She’s the reason I’m talking to your “straight outta the hundred acre woods” lookin’ @$$ in the first place!

4.) When people ADOPT animals they always say they “rescued” them… from what? It’s not like they’re going to kill them at the shelter or sell them to the Chinese restaurant a few streets over. Also, you still have to pay to get the animal out so it’s more like a business transaction to me.

Note how the alleged rescuers appear to be talking down their nose when they say this to people who bought their dogs as if they’re better than them. The way I see it, at least 50% of those animals are in there because they were abandoned for a legit reason. The chick running the shelter ALWAYS has some heartwarming and epic story about how they got the animal that just “guilts” you in to not wanting to leave there without the (e.g. )dog. She’ll quicker tell you, “All he needs is love and a good home.” before saying, “Man this lil’ phuq-er bit off a kid’s arm and was shot five times in the heart and twice in the d!(k but REFUSED to die and kept munching!” I think I’ll stick to getting a new dog “from scratch” rather than taking the 50/50 at getting someone else’s “phuq-up”!

5.) No matter how much TP you end up using after taking a crap, there’s ALWAYS “evidence of your incident” on it. That’s why I’ve given up on wearing white underwear and why they should probably stop making them. It makes you wonder though… Do pads and tampons REALLY get “everything” when a chick’s on her period? One of you chicks should holla at me about this.

6.) Speaking of “taking a crap” and “chicks”… HOTT CHICKS DON’T DEFECATE OR FART!!! There is not a person in the WORLD that can convince me of otherwise. Honestly, I don’t even recall them having booty holes. In fact, the only hott chicks with them are the ones in porn. See, God made hott chicks with a special booty hole that only presents itself when it comes to having anal sex. Other than that it just disappears. Some of you “hater chicks” may want to ask, “Well how do they pass waste?” to try and throw a homie off but I figured that out ages ago.

It's not what you think.

What happens is that God also created the hott chick with a waste filtration system that inspired Brita water filters. When the hott chick eats, the food that isn’t digested and converted into more hotness is passed on to her body’s special filtration system. That system then processes it and releases it through her pores. Not as sweat, but as the “springtime freshness as soothing as an autumn breeze in the mountains of Vermont with a hint of maple” that is known as the hott chick’s aroma.

This is the kind of stuff Febreeze and Air Wick aspire to be.

You may think this is rubbish but the reason you’ve never seen this filtration system in a diagram of the female anatomy is because they never used a hott chick as a subject. It’s always some shapeless, banged up, “battle axe” of a broad who’s overly willing to be probed that they use for those diagrams. When a hott chick dies, her filtration system turns into large intestine and a colon.

If you’re a chick and you attest to defecating then automatically you’re not a hott chick. In fact, a hott chick reading this right now probably doesn’t even know what that is. She probably thinks it’s “something guys do”.

7.) If you’re going to dye your hair, dye your eyebrows and your cooch (which shouldn’t have hair to begin with btw) while you’re at it. That way us guys can start taking you seriously and realize that you’ve put in some thought and extra effort into your looks. Simply put: you don’t like “half-assed” guys, and we certainly don’t like “half-assed” girls. You wouldn’t want to be seen out in public with us wearing a Jamaican yellow shirt and a pair of fuchsia dress pants right? Let the carpet match the drapes .

8.) If I had kids who believed in Santa Claus, I’d gift wrap them coal every year and put his name on them so that they’d realize that “Daddy gives better gifts!” I’m not going let some imaginary fat man take all the credit. I have to work 50 hours a week to afford gifts just to see him get the praise, adoration, and milk and cookies go to him, while all the bills and expenses of their lives come my way? .. PHUQ OUTTA HERE!!!

It’s not like he does any real work or anything. Homie enslaves elves for a living. Santa can start eating the milk and cookies I PAID FOR when he starts helping out with some bills around here.

Not too impressed either huh?

9.) All guys smell their fingers within seconds after touching your cooch… ALL!!! Even if they have to wipe it on the back of their other hand and then pretend to be wiping sweat with it just to catch a whiff. They also will not hesitate to let “the guys” know how it smells. If you “put out” and you weren’t too fresh, you’re 90% or more sure that his homies know you smell like “herring and lobster”. Use this new knowledge and step you “Vagisil” game up ladies. Stop inviting dudes over and not showering first. Of course guys, you wouldn’t have to worry about this with hott chicks. They smell like baby powder even for after working out for two hours.

10.) Winter was made so fat chicks can pick up. During winter, it’s a level playing field for girls to get hit on by guys. All the hott chicks are bundled up in 10 layers of clothing so everybody looks fat. Guys don’t know what they’re hitting on before it’s too late. “Not so hott” looking chicks celebrate this time of year too. Guys have settled with the fact that they won’t be seeing much skin during winter months. Now that makes the chicks who spend all year dressing to hide cellulite, bullet wounds, and cigarette burns visible on everyone’s radar. Am I missing anyone? Oh yeah! The “facially challenged” chicks also rejoice. It’s the only time of year wearing a ski mask and a hood up will fly. Every “butter face” is rocking this and their tightest jeans or leggings.

11.) Chicks can NEVER do anything a man can and just as good until they can pee standing up without making a mess or write their names in snow. Take that POWA!!!

12.) The best sex a guy will ever have is the sex that lasts no more than 10-15 minutes. If it’s taking longer than 20-25 minutes for him to bust his first “nut” then it’s one of three things:

• he either used a numbing spray/performance enhancement product
• he doesn’t really want to bang you but hates wasting an erection
• the cooch is “aight” but not “that good”

Don’t believe me? Ask any guy what was his BEST EVER sexual experience (handjob/blowjob/intercourse/???) and how long it took him to bust that first nut. Then come back and let me know I was right 99.99% of the time.

If you’re in a relationship with a guy and you can’t get that first nut within that time in any way you can, then maybe it’s time for you to ask him what he likes.

13.) Speaking of busting “nuts”… CHICKS NEED TO MASTURBATE MORE!!! Guys have ejaculation down to a science thanks to teen years spent masturbating. If a guy can’t make himself cum after five minutes and some good porn then… *thinks about it* …man that’s not even possible to find. Chicks will find themselves enjoying sex and cumming more if they didn’t let cobwebs grow on the cooch just because they “didn’t have a man in over six months/a year (WTF??!!)”. Then when a dude comes along to one of these dried up wells, they want to act up because he got two “nuts” out of it and they didn’t get squat. Word?

I like where this is going...

Trick it’s not my fault you let your gears seize up in your “grandmother clock”. You think if a guy went a year without poon he wouldn’t jerk off? That’s like keeping a plane locked up in a hangar for a year and not turning the engines over or checking the electronics from time to time to make sure everything works. THEN expect it to make the flight from La Paz to Bucharest. It’s pretty much “hit and miss”.

Although it requires two (or more) people, sex is a very selfish act and guys realize it for what it is. We’re not banging you for you; we’re in it for US! Since the first “nut” is the best “nut”, if a guy is having sex with you past the 2^nd or even 3^rd, it’s your responsibility to make sure you cum. When he’s at that point, he’s not going to be as into it as “firstie” so this is your time to shine. Think of it as him saying, “Ok baby; your turn.”

On that note, I don’t think I should be banging a chick I’m not in a relationship with for more than an hour into my second “nut” and neither of us are cumming. For me, at that point it becomes like jogging; cardiovascular exercise. In that case, I could have gone to sleep/left 45 minutes ago like I wanted to in the first place. That’s why I fake orgasms… Yeah, chicks aren’t the only ones who do that!

So there you have it, a thought for each month for the past year, and then some… I sort of feel a little bit better now J. I’ll just take this time to shout out you guys who have been coming back Friday after Friday to read my rants. I figured I’d probably get like a couple hundred page hits per month when this blog hits its prime a few months after launch. I never expected that within the first month alone I’d get 5876 (and counting ) page hits.
Thanks a lot guys! Now I just need to these numbers into advertising dollars somehow… Hmmm…

Oh, and one more thing to make it 14…
-F**K LADIES NIGHT!!! I’ll make a post on that soon. I’m outtie!